Why your lying about porn kills your marriage



Have you ever been in the "We need to talk" situation? Of course you already know is gonna be B.A.D., because... well, not a single one 'We need to talk" sounds cool or ends good like "I wanted to tell you something" or "You know what I was thinking all day?" And very probably you also know what "the talk" will be about. Lets be honest for a second, nothing we hate the most than those four excruciating words.


WE NEED TO TALK! Today "we need to talk" about lying about porn. First of all, it doesn't mater how many times your couple tells you they don't mind about you looking at porn every once in a while, that's just one pretty little lie. We are humans, and we are built in a soft base that contains love, strength but also jealousy. Not a single human soul is exempt from jealousy. Also, the "every once in a while" means exactly that. Synonym: occasionally.


When the "we need tot talk" is about porn, believe me, your partner already know most of the answers to the questions, but they are giving you the chance to be open and honest about it. When you tell your partner that you just watch porn "every once in a while" but truth is you watch it every single day, you are letting your partner down by lying. Remember when you vowed to love and cherish, in better or worse? You're breaking that vow with something you think is a tiny white lie. "Out of sight, out of mind" you might think. But you are just lying to yourself. A lie is a lie, no gray zones in between. Just the dark stuff. That's a lie.


When the "we need to talk" plane lands in your life airport, your partner already know something is going on and is way different than what you feel comfortable saying.



Someone who loves you and cares for you deeply will notice when you change for better or worse, because love is patient and kind, and also cures it all. Someone who loves you will notice something is meddling between you two, getting in the way, hindering a deeper connection between the two of you. Omitting important information your other half would want to know is just another form of lying.


Most people say they prefer not to know their partner's porn habits. You know what, that's just another lie. No, is not! I don't want to know! You will try to say. And maybe you keep yourself slumbering under that premise. But would you feel the same if one day you come back home and find your partner watching the type of porn they use to criticize when you're around? Would you feel the same if you are told one thing but discover is nothing like that?


Perhaps, the vast majority of porn viewers feel they cannot be honest about it because society tends to condemn them as perverts, depraved or even sinners. Today we aren't here to determine if porn is acceptable or evil. That -I think- is a very personal thing to consider and is not my place to give labels. Yes, I will tell you porn viewers in their majority aren't pedophiles or rapists, or serial killers as some groups point out. Porn viewers are just normal people, like every body else. Like those that enjoy movies with lots of blood, vampires or anime. People with stress, anxiety, unsatisfied or curious.


Today, I just want us to have the talk about the effect of lying your partner about your porn use.


Some people will say that's when trust come around. You need to trust your partner and that's just a real thing. You trust because you know someone is open and honest. When that honesty is shady or a half truth, the confidence is weak and broken. If you're half sincere, your partner will be half broken. Someone half broken cannot really love and understand and maybe forgive. Someone who lies cannot fully love either. The lying doesn't allow to see how much the other one is suffering. Maybe every person out there is just as I am. I can withstand any truth, no matter how painful it may be. I can work with it, walk past it eventually, and grow stronger. A lie... I cannot see a future in this.


Many men complain their wives aren't sexually open or tend to criticize their sexual desires, leaving him wanting something she is not pleasing him with. Many women complain about the husband not been tender enough, or not dedicated to foreplay, or to please her.


And I wonder, have they ever sit together to "we need to talk" about what I want about sex?


When we lie about our porn use, we are telling our partner "I don't really care about your feelings", "I don't want to get myself hurt". When we lie about it, we destroy the self-love our better half feels. Lying about our porn habits forces our partner to be extremely self-conscious of their bodies to the extent that insecurity comes to their lives. The image they have of themselves begins to blur and is replaced with a distorted and painful list of "what I'm not"because the lying forces them to feel compared in secret. When we lie, we're telling our partner that they are not a priority; that in order to believe we are accepted, we must keep them oblivious of the truth. And we fall into the selfish act of thinking on us without considering the whole partnership.


For a couple to be happy, many requirements must be met. Of course, both must have goals in common, dreams on their own, deep love for one another. But also the sexuality must be aiming in a same direction. Sex was created as a gift to the couple, a communion of both souls. Sex is so divine that bring couples closer, they come into harmony when sex is made. That's why is called "making love", because love is been strengthened and rekindled with the union of the bodies in deep desire for each other.


I invite you to be open and honest with your partner. Lets not get into the "we need to talk" battle and better lets do one "I wanted to try something with you that we haven't because I fear to be misjudged" dance. If both are into porn -or at least are open with exploring- it will be a surprising experience together, and it will open the door to talk about it as one.


Don't destroy your partner's heart and self-esteem with lying. Destroy your ego and your complacency by been a better man or woman. Be the hero in your relationship by taking your desires in your own hand and talking to your partner with complete honesty about your intention or their disposition to see porn.


A loving partner will be open to satisfy your needs and together to find solid ground in which both can be indulged and spoiled. A loving partner will listen, if you are willing to talk. To try if you are willing to ask. To love if you are willing to be true and honest.



Now go and do some kinky evils together!


Love,

Nydia

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