I've been blogging, creating, writing, editing, recording,... It's been a rollercoaster of a first-year! Yeah! I said a whole year! Happy anniversary, Empowered Curvy!
Deciding to write this post was a hard decision to make. But it's fair to say that thousands of new writers and bloggers are experiencing this feeling every day. So, I might as well explain myself here.
First, I want to make a tiny little parenthesis to say that keeping my work private from my family has nothing to do with lack of love. My writings come from a place of love, of acceptance of how different we all are, but also a place of self-love.
I love my family, all of them, and have nothing but the best desires for all of them. Keeping this private was in the best intention of my well-being, my freedom of speech and our relationship.
The only person I understand I must never keep something it's my husband because I expect the same from him. After I have put it all together, and before going live, I asked his opinion on my shaped idea and he was in agreement with me. We set some basic rules to avoid chitchat from ill-intended people and I went for it! That said... Let's begin.
When I finally decided to start my blog, it wasn't a hasty decision. I have thought about this for years. It's unnecessary to say that I have had several attempts during the past decade. But negative comments and lack of support discouraged me from writing and I ended up quitting. (Mostly fearing negative reactions.)
So, why don't we go back to the beginning?
My first blogging attempts were very amateurish and kinda silly. I had no particular focus at the moment beyond a strong desire to say something. Those first attempts were mainly focused on a diet I was following (that changed my life), and also lots and lots of poetry.
I was truly passionate about those topics? Nah! Not really. But I was trying to discover myself.
Then, I wrote novels. I loved the feeling of that first book with my name on the cover. I loved the notoriety of it. The radio interviews. The long talks about writing techniques and the sea of ideas constantly flooding my mind. It kept me busy and immersed in a world of fantasy beyond how unhappy I felt.
But, as I thought that writing novels was my passion, I quickly lost the motivation as I had some external pressures to become a millionaire by being an author so they could leave their jobs and be stay-at-home people.
My passion suddenly became a burden as I tried and tried for weeks and months. Sending query letters and sample chapters and then full manuscripts to receive one of two answers: "Your work is awesome and I love it, but we'll have to wait a few years to sign because I'm already full." Or, "I've never read something this good but you are way ahead of the market."
In straightforward words: "I PASS."
It was frustrating and the pressure to become a New York Times Bestseller for other people's sake was exhausting.
Life-changing decisions were made, not just because of that, but because of lots of other reasons that I will keep to myself. Divorce was one of those decisions. By that moment, being -probably- the first divorced woman of the family was a stigma that I had to carry for so long.
I know is hard for people to understand other people's choices, especially when is this life-changing. But understanding and accepting are very different things, and sometimes we just need to accept those changes and embrace those we love, and move on.
By that time, I understood I had to begin establishing boundaries or I would spend my whole life trying to live by other's expectations. And so, I did. Not that it worked smoothly at the moment, but still, I was owning my life.
I wrote another book and I was happy. I always wanted to talk about feminism in a funny way. Since I was 6, my writings circled around my feelings, all of them. Good or bad experiences, everything ended up being a poem, or a story.
Let's just say that a lot of relationships deteriorated. I was a divorced woman and somehow I ended up divorced from everybody else.
Not just I was a divorced woman. I was -probably- the first divorced woman in my family (in decades) and it was a shocker! I get it! That was a stigma I would have to carry for the rest of my life.
But I was also the first female in the family to go to college, have a BA with 2 majors and a minor in 2.5 years, and nobody made such a fuss! Just saying!
Thank you very much!
Every single person took my writings as a personal attack for no reason. I was talking about life. Mine and every other girl's from my generation. Life of a woman with strong will trying to leave her mark in a world that was not ready yet. A world of men. A world where women fed macho egos and kept forcing their own daughters to servitude instead of respect. (If you don't know what book I'm talking about, check it HERE.)
By that time, I started dating my now-husband. It was soon after my separation and nobody took it nicely. I was so used to being the one with the wrong decisions that I didn't even care. I knew he was not the problem and the attacks had nothing to do with him. He was just in the middle of a neverending battle. I was the problem. It was all me. Me living "against" the "society's" imposed rules.
I needed to live a life that was worth living. I needed to be happy and I knew my kids needed that as well. I established my boundaries and I was a bad person for it. Sometimes, people feel attacked when limits are established. And I set those limits to protect myself and my relationship with my adorable kids.
Life has changed. And so did we. My now-husband and I opened a business together. A whole year of planning and preparations. An investment of almost $200,000. I can count with one hand those relatives that WILLINGLY went to support our business.
You know... to support someone's endeavor you don't even have to spend a dime. Support is as simple yet powerful as sharing a social media promo with your friends.
At that moment, I understood the message. It was crystal clear that my path, my life and my story were not meant to be shared with people that didn't want to be part of it. I was good when everybody else wanted something from me. But I wasn't good enough to receive support in my new journey.
Even when two hurricanes came and stole my entrepreneurial dream and whole investment, nobody was there for me.
Little time passed and we left our hometown to a new place far away. I desperately needed the change and I know my kids needed that fresh air and peace in their lives. We needed some new opportunities away from what made our hearts ache.
I began writing for www.EmpoweredCurvy.com at the end of 2017 when it was just a notebook and the idea of a website was not yet made. It was kinda like a diary where I scribbled down my frustrations and my endeavors.
Until one day, I understood that I could do more with my writings. It wasn't a diary. It was life. And life is meant to be shared and enjoyed.
At that moment, the passion to tell my story of sacrifice, of love, of how I was reborn from my own ashes grew.
And I understood something important, I needed to do this. I needed to share my experience with people like me. Those who were misunderstood and set aside for being different. Those who don't settle to live their lives according to other people's opinions. Those who were punished for taking decisions that others weren't in agreement with.
I wanted to address my blog to all the ladies out there who were fighting with their self-love. Ladies who were in need of an uplifting word. To let them know they are not alone. We are in this together.
But that's not all! I have quite a few more reasons!
Didn't want them to see me as a failure. Again.
Keeping my blog apart from family and friends was a decision I thought thoroughly. I wanted them to know about it... someday. But not till I had a nice base of readers, which I'm still building.
When I divorced, I knew they all saw me as a failure. And in a way, it was. Not me. The marriage and divorce. It was a failure. Being unable to live the "love endures everything" was a failure. I accepted it, embraced myself, and decided on a change.
Then, I lost the business for which I had worked so hard and invested so much. Another failure.
I wasn't ready to deal with their "I knew you'll fail again" faces. So, I kept my "dirty little secret" from them.
Fear of their judgment.
If you read my blog, you know I talk a lot about sex. Sex and marriage advice, and self-love. Lots of self-love.
I don't want to be a hypocrite and say I am all pro-marriage. I support divorce as well. Nobody deserves to live a relationship of suffering and trying to endure everything. Nobody is entitled to be loved with the little they want to give in return. Love is a job. You need to work for it if you want to get the reward. Nobody has the right to treat you inferior, to mistreat you, to violate your rights. Sure, I support the decision of divorce. And I support the decision to stay in a marriage no matter what.
I support the LGBTQ community. I support sex toys. I support kinky dates, steamy sex on the kitchen countertop while kids are at school, and I'm a proud sponsor of romantic getaways. I support talking to the kids about sex: the good and the bad. I support teaching kids about healthy sexuality, protection and self-love. I support freedom of religion. And a lot more things.
SEE? I support decisions taken freely!
Feeling that I could share words of support with a world in need of compassion and understanding was a great relief. Why I never shared this with family and close friends? Because knowing I was protected from the judgment of people I LOVE gave me comfort.
Needed my freedom.
At this point in my life, I've come to understand that people will always be offended by something. I don't write to offend or accuse anybody. I write to share my experiences with ladies out there.
But some people will easily feel offended if something I write doesn't agree with their lifestyle. I respect your way of thinking, but that's you. My way of thinking is way different and thus my website is addressed to people looking for more.
That you don't experience some things doesn't make them false. You're just lucky for not suffering so much, or unlucky for having experienced so little in life.
Knowing that my family and friends wouldn't be reading my blog gave me the opportunity to share my experiences with freedom.
Their misconceptions of blogging
People use to think that writing or blogging is this fancy thing you do just behind a desk, sipping margaritas in the afternoon. A simple matter of tipping whatever you feel like writing and at the click of a button it was out there, making instant cash.
Writing, blogging, and vlogging is a hell of a job with tons of hours invested in a single post or video.
Writers, bloggers & vloggers don't just sit there, write for a few seconds, publish and change into sophisticated outfits to party all night at J-lo's concerts or Channing Tatum's Saints & Sinners. No. After the first rough is made, we must leave... sip some coffee... prepare a new recipe, cook dinner, go to work, pick up kids at school, come up with a new blog post idea, answer some emails, share something work-related on social media, do chores, run some errands, pay the bills, video call family, ignore the salesperson madly ringing the bell at the door, or the neighbor's d