Updated: Sep 7, 2020
For us women, sex isn’t about pleasure and passion, but mostly about love. Well, first about love. Sex is about connect and reach the culmination of something that’s disturbing us as couple. Sex is the result of trust and unconditional love. But we tend to believe that, for men, sex is just about connecting physically. A race to liberation through his orgasm an that's all.
Maybe is because we have met the wrong men –lots of wrong guys- during our life. Maybe we were taught that sex is just an animal instinct, found also in men, but not in women. Probably, because we are told to be decent, we confuse indecency with the need to feel the same physical connection and pleasure that men love to feel.
When we are little, we start discovering our bodies. We were created sexual beings, that’s why God made us men and women. Not asexual, or just one neutral gender. Or plants!
Little girls are constantly scolded if they don’t cover their bodies. Doesn’t matter if still isn’t developed, everybody makes the girl aware of the difference between her and the little brother who runs without t-shirt, and maybe completely naked around. Girls are told that touching themselves, exploring their own body, is an evil thing. That it is a men’s thing. And in the future, when having “the sex talk”, parents will tell that sex is merely for reproduction. Just to take the fun of it...
When I was growing up, I could hear people asking the boys “Who that little pipi belongs to?” “How many girlfriends do you have?” “With all that junk, you’ll have a harem when you grow up.”
And the boys grow with a sense of freedom and acceptance of their sexuality that girls never had. We have to work that sense of self love on our own. Walking a dark road, blindfolded. Nobody tells us we will have a lot of boyfriends. Nope. “A decent girl doesn’t go around with guys.” “A decent woman covers their body.” “You cannot make a man fall in love showing your boobs.” “Your body is a temple”. Have you heard someone telling a teen girl “With those tities you’re growing, you’ll have all high school guys for yourself.” I bet not.
With the desire to answer the enigma, I interviewed my hubby with just one single question: What does men (really) want about sex?
Here is his answer:
“A lot of men think sex is THE most important part of the relationship. But, a man who really loves his wife knows sex is only ONE thing in a long list of very important parts in the relationship.
I love my wife; that’s why THE MOST important thing in the relationship is our happiness. That’s our ultimate goal. But how can we get this? I’ll tell you. Happiness is build up of many things:
*time together - our time together is passionate, fun and perfect.
*Cooking together - we enjoy cooking together and we do it full of passion. Plus, we make it fun!
*Perfect - because making our relationship a perfect one full of love is my biggest goal.
*Spending time together - Watch movies and play Call Of Duty together, making a BBQ outside, hanging out in the backyard, share memes, and so on.
Answering the question: Sex should be passionate, fun, hardcore, special and perfect. We, men, expect all those things as well. Every one of those things is an essential part of a very healthy relationship. Without those things, love is incomplete.
Sex is never gonna be perfect. That’s what’s great about it! What I want about sex is doing it with passion and love. That makes our relationship perfect!”
Well, surprisingly not the answer that most of us expected, right? Maybe because we’re conditioned to think men have very little feelings and just a big boost of libido. Mistakenly, I thought he would tell me all those dirty little things we do that he enjoys the most, things that makes him feel special. But to my dismay, my hubby pointed out the things –mostly non sexual- we do that makes us laugh and grow together. Not focused on him alone, but on us as a couple.
Of course, I know that me matching his desires and be his contender in sexual matters is very important for him. As it is for me. Two alphas, at the end. But giving and receiving love is what makes our relationship so strong and so hated by many. As my husband says: “We have always been an impenetrable wall”.
On our own we are strong. Together we are even stronger. Together, we have tried to build empires that has been turned into crumbles by hurricanes. And we still prevail. Together, we have had nothing and still be happy and grateful for having each other. Together, we have faced the wrath of our own blood. Together, we let everything behind. Starting from negative over and over again. And we still work hard together for a common purpose: the wellbeing of our family and the happiness in our relationship.
And I know... we know... some people love it. How strong we are, how we have overcome obstacles and losses. Others will want to see our relationship on fire. The eternal fire of hell.
Trust me, we are on fire. Not the fire you might expect. OUR FIRE!
Nothing sexier than a man who thinks our chillin’ time together is what he cherishes the most! Makes me want to kiss him right now! You have earned extra sexy points with this, Papi!
What your SO (really) wants about sex in your sex life? Have you asked? If you haven’t, do it now. There is nothing better than today to work on a perfect relationship full of love. And sexy surprises.
Take care and have some love,