My 7 pillars of love.
Little things really determine if we're successful or not in our role as moms. Despite society dictates a thousand things in which we fail as moms every day, I believe our failure is only determined by the values we truly infuse on to our kids.
Everything we do in our lives is resumed in our values. If we have solid values, we can be productive members of our society. People talk and talk about the things we should really teach our kids... Are they right? Are they wrong? I think it's just a matter of time to have an answer.
As we debate which are the most important values to prepare our children with, I put together my own 7 essential values.
Here's a list of values we should really pass on to our children:
Achievement - By showing our children to do their best performance at everything they do, we're teaching them to work hard. Proving that you are able and willing to excel at your work is not a bad thing, on the contrary, it assures you'll always be a top choice. By being successful, your kids will always have jobs, which is translated into food at their table, a roof to cover their heads, and security for their future. Some people will just say success is not a priority in life. Maybe not success by itself. But what comes with it is definitely an important thing. Lazy people will try to sell the idea of conformism as the right "moral" or "religious" thing to do. They'll say God has provided them with everything just by having faith, but the truth is God has provided them with accomplished people with good intentions and resources to feed their lazy mouths.
Compassion- To be sympathetic with others, being able to feel someone else's pain, is one of the most important things we can teach our children. Every day we see how people are desensitized to the suffering of others. Focused on themselves alone is a terrible thing. Our world is succumbing every day because everyone -the ones on top and also the ones at the bottom- cannot put a stop to their egos and think of society as an extension of themselves. To be compassionate is to understand other's needs and struggles. Is to be willing to help. To be compassionate doesn't mean to surrender what's yours to help lazy people. Compassion is to help those who fight in their quest to achieve their goal.
Accountability- To be responsible for one's actions and decisions is a complex thing with which we should equip our children. Been questioned, give explanations regarding the decisions taken by them is something they'll have to face almost daily as they grow up. By being accountable, the time lost in nonsense is reduced to a minimum and the efforts can be concentrated on fixing the problem and perform in more productive ways. When we are not accountable, we create more troubles. An unaccountable person is someone who resorts to lies in order to be exonerated of their faults.
Since early childhood, we teach our kids to choose properly, to never lie. We teach them there are consequences to their bad choices. We are giving them the bases to be accountable.
Faith/beliefs- The realization that life didn't appear on itself, but it was given to us by a superior force most of us call God is the first base of faith at home. Teaching our kids to pray, to develop an intimate communication with this Superior Being, to entrust Him with our hopes, projects and desires, gives our children a sense of security and protection. Knowing God is always protecting them every step of the way makes kids more secure of their own decisions and the way they respond towards others.
Whether your approach is with or without a specific religious belief, infusing our kids with this connection between them and our Creator is giving them hope.
This doesn't mean that religious people will be better and those who don't believe in the existence of God are worse. Not at all. In fact, most Americans agree that the belief in God doesn't translate to having morals. We all have had our shares of people who call themselves "religious" or "chosen ones" but their actions speak otherwise.
Honesty- I believe this is by far the most important value to teach our children. Telling the truth, no matter how ugly it may be, is a powerful tool to help them grow as responsible citizens. Many kids lie just to get away with whatever they want, and that is so wrong. Lies hurt, not just who's receiving it, but also who's giving it. Just one lie can destroy years of trust. But to build trust, it can take years. Without honesty, our kids will only be able to achieve so little. Frustration will take control of them when don't receive what they want. Problem is, a dishonest person is not willing to recognize their mistakes and change. Their biggest problem is they fool themselves so badly, they take their own lies as universal truths.
Respect- Both to themselves and towards others, respect is almost the mother of values. When you respect, you care, you protect, you're honest. Listening to other people talk, actually listening, without all the defensive rumble gathering to explode soon... Understanding and accepting that our actions sometimes hurt others and working to rebuild that relationship is a great sign of respect. Teaching our kids to be respectful to others is highly important. In a progressive world, we need to honor others who know more in order to be able to learn from them.
As tricky as this world has become, teaching our kids with self-respect is arming them with self-love. Our kids should learn to protect their bodies and heart from toxic people and harmful situations.
Failure to teach our kids with respect is pushing them naked and bleeding to a cruel world that is waiting to exploit and abuse them, fooling them with promises of wellbeing by doing bad deeds.
Love- It's a wonderful thing to be fond of something, be it a hobby or a person. It makes us feel alive. When you love, you sacrifice. You support and encourage. You're willing to change to be better. When you love, there's nothing really impossible. No mountain is big enough to climb or problem deep enough to drown you.
Having a deep connection with yourself or someone else is imperative to live. When we love, we trust, we build relationships. Those things help us build stability in our busy lives. When we love, our emotional well-being improves.
Translated as a deep feeling or affection, love can be sometimes confusing. And indeed it is. To love is not to bear everything, but to know when it is time to say enough is enough. There will always be the eternal battle between self-love and love for others. When self-love is more important than love for others? I believe our kids will know the right answer at the right time if we equip them with these 7 values.
Lots of love,