Updated: Nov 15, 2020
Are you wondering whether sex is just a price reserved for "special occasions" or a way of communication?
In the complicated world of relationships, there's always the question: what is sex? Well, I think the question should be: Is sex a luxury or a necessity? As defined everywhere:
SEX. -sexual activity, including specifically sexual intercourse.
Simple and direct. Right?
Nope. Not that simple. Never that direct.
All sorts of scientific, analysts, sociologists... have tried to give sex an easy definition. But if you read it plain and simple, this description might as well be talking about animals. Sexual intercourse... sexual activities. But sex is much more. Apart from being the #1 method for procreation, of course.
That's the thing with sex. It's a complex thing impossible to oversimplify. Sex is a hard topic because it means differently to each and every one of the human inhabitants of this planet. Sadly, sex is being both overrated and undervalued these days.
Yes. So much so, sex is one of the causes of why people argue a lot and/or decide to divorce.
Sex is neither luxury nor a necessity for some people with medical conditions, extremely low sex drive, or a vow of celibacy.
That said, let's talk a bit about sex- intercourse. The main dish if you fancy. We won't be referring to sexual intimacy or sexual chemistry as a main topic but sex IPSO FACTO! Sex as the way of expressing love and devotion.
Sex as a luxury
I believe people prioritize sex or just let it happen if. People will probably think sex is a luxury they cannot enjoy often because they live busy lives, work too hard, or are too stressed, but truth is sex is not a priority in their lives.
A "punishment" of "involuntary celibacy"
Some couples hold sex from their partners as a way of punishment. Of course, nobody is forced to have sex. I'm in total agreement with that. Your body belongs to you, but you also own your relationship. It belongs to you as well. The health of your marriage is in your hands, thus belongs to you just like your body. Having a fight with your partner and holding a grudge for years, forbidding them from enjoying a satisfying sexual life together, it's just a cruel punishment for both of you. If neither of you can truly commit to your relationship, why don't you just divorce and part ways? I know it's painful to read but also very honest. You either heal your relationship or end with it for good.
Depriving your significant other of a satisfying sex life is a punishment as cruel as denying them fresh air. That's how important sex is to a lot of people (those who don't see it as a luxury but as a necessity).
A "fine arts" luxury
In some women's and men's minds, sex is a matter of certain physical appearance. Big round boobs are often required for "pleasurable" sex. Washboard abs are also in order. Big packages are expected to enjoy the kind of "visual" pleasure they are aiming for. Why? Because people have fallen under the hoax that sex has to be like the movies. Two "perfect" bodies that are determined by an industry that knows nothing about love or perfection.
"I'm entitled to it" Luxury
Certainly, there are people -both men and women- who think they deserve sex when they want it. In their egocentric lives, you owe them sexual satisfaction when they want it. You must do and overflow with sexual attention. You must comply and satisfy. No ifs or hesitations. They deserve it because they exist. Because his/her needs must be the only priority for the both of you as couple.
The "once in a while" luxury
And what about: "Honey, your birthday is next week! What present you want?" "Let's have sex as my birthday present!" That's the most horrible thing I've listened to. And I have heard it a few times. More than what I can handle. (No, I wasn't the victim of such atrocious crime).
It hurts my soul to hear this. Is sex a once a year adventure? How come? People work too hard every day to live a happy and plenty life to exclusively receive a single BJ on their birthday. That doesn't sound right.
The "we are like siblings" luxury
This, by far, is the most atrocious thing I've heard. "We just have sex on special occasions. After a while, marriage is like been siblings". Nasty in the bad meaning of the word. I already have siblings. If my marriage looks like a brotherhood, I'll be enrolling in a nunnery. I was given siblings at birth, not at marriage. Wake up, people!
The "sex is not my love language" luxury
We got it. You prefer to be sweet-talked into happiness and that's awesome. We all need a little of that. Probably, you're so busy trying to provide everything to the one you love, that sometimes oversee that his or her needs are a little more physical than yours.
That's why relationships are so difficult sometimes. We all love. But we all love in very different ways. Recognizing how our significant other needs to be loved is a complex but extremely necessary task to live and enjoy a satisfactory marriage.
The good thing is we can all be sexually bilinguals. We can be the caring type of partner and also the sexy beast who exorcise our lover's demons in bed!
Sex as a necessity
Some people tend to prioritize sex. Even if they have to schedule some free time for them alone as a couple, they'll do what needs to be done. Scheduling sex will be seen as another extra work to do, but once you get used to make time for you as a couple and protect that time, you'll see how beneficial it turns to be.
"Sexual Happiness" in need
"Making love makes me happy!" When a couple makes love -have sex if you prefer- they are much more connected. Happier couples are less susceptible to arguments and dissatisfaction, and they are infidelity-proof. Sharing their needs and desires is easier knowing your significant other is there to help you feel loved and satisfied. It's scientifically proven that during sex, we release oxytocin, the hormone that makes us feel happier and safe.
Sexual health everywhere
Making love regularity diminishes the risk of having heart attacks and is a natural aid to lower blood pressure.
Sex is considered physical activity, so it's an exercise. I cannot think of a better way to burn those extra chocolate cake calories rather than a sexy and vigorous workout with our partner!
People who have sex with regularity have a stronger immune system. So, they get sick less!
Having sex with regularity helps to sleep better. Just by the act itself, we can pass out and have a wonderful beauty sleep. But also the release of oxytocin helps us be more relaxed and enjoy better slumber.
So sexy and I know it
The more you have sex, the sexier you feel. Making love boosts your libido. It increases the positive response towards oneself and helps strengthen the self-esteem. A healthy sexual life can help us enjoy our bodies more.
Having sex regularity helps keep stress under control. Releasing stress with this hot workout is a wonderful way to compenetrate with your partner while you blow off some steam.
A satisfactory sex life leads to a better relationship overall. More trust and intimacy will flow between the couple as a response of a great sex. The sexual act represents the deepest trust, respect and devotion to your partner. There's no better way to bond than having sex.
The need for pleasure
Enjoying good food gives us satisfaction. Managing to survive a terrible week and be able to sit under the moonlight one starry Friday night enjoying your favorite drink is worth everything. Sipping a deliciously hot coffee on a cold morning is a priceless thing. In the same way, enjoying your partner's kisses on your neck, their hand sliding from your lower back and even further gives us the biggest electrifying sensation; puts our minds in a very different mood, our focus -blurry from a hideous week- comes back, renewed and interested.
We enjoy been pleasured. To be softly caressed, to be hugged and kissed. To own and be owned. To let go off all control. Pleasure is delivered by closeness and intimacy, and sex can be the mother of all pleasures.
Sex. A healthy bit of both.
As our society "evolves" constantly, we see ourselves trying to make time for what society dictates as unimportant: sex and intimacy. Society itself is turning sex into a luxury, stealing importance to relationships, and at the same time trying to sexualize the food we buy or the perfumes we use.
Sex has become a moneymaking machine for our society. You can sell it and make a lot of money. You can condemn it openly and make a lot of money as well. Instead of been fomented and reinforced as a safe and loving practice for couples, it's criticized and judged. Yet, that same people lives a double standard of a hidden sex life for satisfaction and pleasure, professing a lie to make others follow them.
The hypocrisy of people condemning sex as a sin or illegal/inappropriate act sees no limit. They try to dictate what's right or wrong, allowed or prohibited in a married room while they are paying for sex, cheating on their partners, hiding their porn stack, sexting with other people, or committing atrocious sexual felonies.
As sex becomes a lucrative business for governments and private corporations, the only real victims are the couples that see themselves fighting for their happiness and pleasure.
We all want love, we all want to feel desired. The need to feel we matter to the most intimate level has nothing to compare to. Being able to enjoy our private time, to connect with our spouses to the most devoted level can be a luxury to those who want to sell it so desperately, but for a loving couple... their sex life is a priority and a necessity.
The utmost level of satisfaction is waking up in your lover's arms, knowing there's nowhere else in the world you'll rather be. And be able to have it all when you need it the most!
Call it luxury. Call it a necessity.
Sex is the most sacred way of communication given to couples as a divine gift. We deserve to have it all.
Lots of love,