Sarcastic lessons from Covid times (That we will probably laugh about in the future.)



Time has hit us hard. Life hasn't behaved better. Certainly, we can say we have learned plenty of new things. Some we remember with love, some with regrets. Our acceptance over this time of crisis has been one of the stages. Fear. Stress. Adaptation. Oppression. Depression.


And it's perfectly normal to feel frustrated, depressed, anxious, angry, even neglect. So, what? It's a time of crisis. We are humans. We are allowed to have emotions.


Truth is, Covid isn't something to joke about. But we all need something to laugh about, especially during a crisis. A good laugh has the power to pull us out of a dark place. And being honest, sometimes we prefer a good laugh over a deep cry. These days, we can find the comical at the most random things, people, or places.


It might sound like a joke, but Covid really forced us to reach another level. Here are a few funny and sarcastic things we were forced to accept during Covid.


Sarcastic lessons from COVID times (That we will laugh about in the future):


  • If you don't want to meet with someone, you just blame COVID. -Of course, we are under quarantine, which clearly seems like an eternity. But if you needed an excuse to keep someone who gets on your nerves at an emotionally-safe distance, just blame Covid. We all have that one person from whom we hide like the devil to a crucifix. Either it is a realtor, your landlord, or a nosy "friend", you have used Covid as the perfect excuse to keep your door closed. But, who hasn't?


  • You should be more considerate when burping. -Seriously! I've heard so many people complaining about their own nasty burps trapped inside their face masks, that it's hilarious. And we must thank the face masks for it! Sneezes that stink to yesterday's dirty mouth and midnight slobber are also trapped on the most hated face masks, keeping us -the rest of the world- safe from viruses and stinks.


  • Stay-at-home moms aren't blessed at all. -Poor stay-at-home moms do hundreds of house chores before kids arrive from school or husbands from work. With the quarantine, poor moms saw their job tripled. Not just she had the same chores, but she gained the job of a tutor, teacher, crafter, magician to magically appear instruments for STEM Labs amidst the pandemic... without any pay.


  • But, working moms aren't blessed either. -They have to play super-heroine roles with juggling between the house, job and kids works. Arriving home after a terrible day at work to just find a ton of projects that needs to be done and materials she needs to gather... That, without considering the stressful situation of having the kids at home while she must be at work, and what about paying for child care? Nightmare.


  • To be honest, nobody felt truly blessed. -Exposed to the virus at every second and not knowing who has it, who hasn't, if you are immune,... What will happen to my job? Will I be able to pay for the house? How will I provide for my family when jobs are diminishing and this doesn't seem to be stopping any time soon? There's no way you could walk the streets feeling blessed.


  • Your partner is full of flaws. -Congrats! You discovered one side of the rainbow. If you managed to survive watching him every day, listening to his complaints, snores, farts, sneaky behavior, you found the pot of gold at the other side.


  • Your partner is not your partner anymore. -All that time quarantined together didn't result in a closer and stronger relationship for the two of you. On the contrary, either one of you was sneaking around the corners, trying to call or text or sext someone else. Or you discovered the dark side of your partner while being forced into joint confinement. At least you can thank Covid for helping you to escape a relationship of cheating and deceptions.


  • Toilet paper is far more important than water. -With the national shortage of toilet paper, humanity has proven that it's more important to have toilet paper to wipe their asses than to have water to make the digestion smoother.


  • Few people will judge you if you gained a few pounds. -That's the greatest news I've heard! Not everybody will dare to judge the growing -not pregnant- belly you developed during Covid times because it's very probable they gained more than you.


  • Driving to work is unnecessary to 50% of us. -If we have learned something very important from Covid is that we can work from home and still produce exactly the same. The same money. The same work. The same responsibilities. The same assignments. Without spending money gas and precious time in a traffic jam.


  • The other 50% who cannot work from home are underpaid. -If your job proves the need for face-to-face, you need to receive a considerable rise ASAP. There's no way you can survive earning the same that those who don't need to pay for gas, lunch, or childcare.


  • We dodged the zombie apocalypse. -We were secretly praying that we didn't turn into zombies with this damned virus. As of today, we are still safe and Brad Pitt doesn't have to risk himself again to show us how to go unnoticed in front of Covid... I mean... Zombies.


  • We have seen the stupidest/irrelevant inventions ever. -We know we are all fucked up if the "revolutionary" "invention" of the year/decade is the plastic thingy that keeps your face mask away from your mouth. And still, lots of people think "Oh, what a great thing! How did it not occurred to me?"

30 years ago, I thought that by 2020 I would have one of those ovens that prepared the food without the need of my sacred intervention. Maybe I could afford a flying car by now. A machine that produced my clothes at home. Or a microdevice that would amplify to create a phone or tv screen. The Jetsons deceived me in many ways!


  • So weird we haven't heard that the Covid vaccine belongs to 666. -Weird, right? There's always a conspiracy believer that comes up with the absurd idea that every new thing belongs to "the beast". Covid is THE new thing. The vaccine is being mass-produced and mass distributed. How nobody has made the equation yet?


  • We all learned new talents. -You are doing your own haircut and maybe your nails as well, congrats! Probably you look all fucked up and disheveled... and maybe -let's be honest- you made a mess the few first times. But you were open to learning new things and that's what matters.


  • Cinemas are overrated. -The greatest thing, in my humble opinion, has been not going to the cinemas to watch a new movie. I can just pay it from home. I can watch it on my tv, wearing my pajamas, eat all the popcorn I want (and always have fresh hot popcorn). I can have a feast while I watch a movie. I can lay on the floor. I can be naked if I want to. I don't have to sit in a semi-comfortable chair with a bunch of kids kicking my seat. After all, their parents neglect their bad attitude because they are so focused on their own phones. Which is another thing that gets me on my nerves. The person that sits right in front of you with their freaking phone blinding you the whole movie. Annoying and now completely unnecessary.


What's the most hilarious lesson you have learned during Covid times?


Lots of love,

Nydia

Empowered Curvy



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