We all know what it feels like to be used, controlled, bossed around, and eventually discarded. Not too late in life, we find ourselves face to face with situations and people that leave us open-mouthed. It's hard to accept that these people -who want nothing but to control us and use us for their greater goods- are just manipulators. Is even worse to accept that we will be discarded once we are of no benefit to them.
But how to separate problematic people from manipulators? It's not as easy as it seems, but problematic people will bring chaos, and just as quickly as they appear, they just move on to something else. Troublemakers want nothing from you, just attention that provides them with instant satisfaction.
The manipulator, on the other hand, is the one who needs to take something from you. To achieve that, the manipulator designs a very well thought plan and executes it to perfection.
Probably you ask yourself... what is manipulation? It's just a way of fooling me?
It's more than that. Manipulation means exercising negative and damaging influence over a person. In order to control everything around them, the manipulator will play with your mental and emotional stability. They see no limits. One of their most valuable steps is to destroy your credibility with those who know you.
By establishing their "superiority" over you, they set their control rules. Who has the power, has the win. And a manipulator always needs to win. Always.
Despite being something that can occur with acquaintances, manipulation is more common in close relationships, such as partners and family.
For a manipulator, you're not a loved one. You're not a beloved wife or an adored husband. You're not the son or daughter they love so much or the sibling that saved their ass constantly. Beware! For these manipulators, you are the target. And they are working hard so you become their victim sooner or later.
These are 20 signals that a manipulator is lurking around.
They only show you love when they need to get something from you. You'll be their "adoration" when they need you to do something that benefits them. Outside of that, you may be dying and they don't even call you.
A manipulator hates to answer questions because that disrupts their well-planned script. So, when they are questioned, the manipulator takes one of these two stances.
a. They avoid answering, giving you "Ice Law" till they can
re-evaluate their plan.
b. They turn your question around to make you look suspicious and
instantly doubt your good intentions. They will always make
you look guilty.
A manipulator rarely speaks the truth as everybody knows it. Instead, they love to profess their own version of the truth. The one that's dressed up with lies to convince you of their good heart.
This person will try to make you feel "inferior" to them. Nothing you do is enough. Your decisions aren't good enough. Your partner is a bad choice. Your beliefs are wrong. They need to show you how superior they are to you, so you obey them.
They work hard to make you doubt yourself. And that's the only job they perform all day long. Their messages are charged with bad energies but empty of important details. And that's the point. They want to force you to question your sanity and your truth.
As they are so used to lie, they sometimes get twisted with their own words. When they get into arguments, they often contradict themselves. Many of them will say they cannot continue arguing with you, they need time to meditate and serene. That's the easiest way to escape from a conversation where they are losing control.
If you request evidence to be presented, they will end the conversation and ignore your requests. Your second attempt will result in the following phrase: "I'm not talking to you anymore. You just misunderstand everything I say. When you see things the right way, we can talk again." Clearly, they are letting you know you have to see things their way and that's a final.
They do all the things behind your back. As they are shady, they have to do things without your knowledge. As their intentions aren't clear to you, they keep the secrecy till the last stab is planned.
Casually, manipulators always have plenty of stories about how much damage others made them. They like to refer to other people as "damaged" or "abused". In their stories, they are always the victim of prejudice, discrimination, or abuse.
They surround themselves with easily manipulable people. Those around them rarely own an opinion. Instead, they are always in agreement with the manipulator and never contradict or offer options beyond the manipulator.
Manipulators love to victimize themselves. They can be mocking you for being overweight for years. You have no right to defend yourself. After all, they just say that because they love you and want what's best for you. The moment you say something about them, you're disrespectful. Another example happens with adults and kids. The manipulator can be bothered by anything your kids do, even the silliest things. They will always try to scold your kids. The day you dare point out something wrong their kids are doing, hell break loose and you're disrespectful and aggressive.
When you aren't in agreement with a manipulator and try to prove your point, you're wasting your time. They won't care to listen. They already have a verdict. You're guilty.
When a manipulator is trying to fool you, they will talk and talk, nonstop. Once you want to talk, they aren't willing to listen.
When a manipulator asks, they require an immediate answer. Contrary to their "Ice Law", they will burn you till you answer what they want to hear.
A manipulator lacks a sense of empathy. They will never care about your feelings because, for them, the only thing that matters is themselves.
The manipulator always decides how to win. You are in no position to negotiate. They decide what to give, what you lose, and your extra price to pay.
One of the greatest virtues of a manipulator is their capacity of telling you how you feel and what is right for you. Because that's what is right for them.
A manipulator will convince you your feelings are silly. What you want has no reason. What you say has no truth. They will portrait you as someone who always makes everything up because you're a needy or unstable person.
These people will always complain about lacking resources. Even when they have it all without working for it, they will always be complaining about their poverty.
Lastly, A manipulator is always right and you're always wrong. In fact, you're so wrong you need to ask God for forgiveness. And meanwhile, you can implore their pardon as well.
The most important thing to fight against manipulators is to understand that their way of being is not your fault. Hold your ground and choose when to battle accordingly. Keeping them at distance will also be beneficial to you. Remember, a manipulator will always try to control everything around a situation. They will attack who you are and how you are. The best way to do so is to damage how people perceive you and to alienate you from those you love.
Don't forget... Fight back. You're just as important. This person is your equal. Do what needs to be done. Pleasing them is useless. They will take everything they want from you and will continue looking for more till they end with you: morally, emotionally, economically, socially.
You cannot control other people's actions, but you can control how you react to their attempts.
Lots of love,