It is no secret that my kids are the most important thing in my life. But, what mother doesn't think the same? Every one of my decisions is taken with both of them into consideration. Almost everything I do is about them.
I know they are at a very difficult age. Tween and teen years are the worst. I know! I hated both stages of my development. While I was growing I wanted to be an adult. Being an adult, I don't regret wanting to get old enough to make a life of my own.
As they are growing so fast, I can only see our time together slipping from my fingers, like water. It makes me sad, but also happy. Some things we've lived are hard for them to understand but probably their future self -5 years from now- will be old enough to comprehend.
So, What do I want to say to my kids in 5 years?
My sweet little babies:
Time has passed by and both of you are old enough to see the world differently as when you were little kids. The one thing I want you to see the same is my love for both. When you were just an idea in my mind, I loved you. With hope, I received both of you, and my heart bloomed in an incredible way.
I hope I'm still around because I want to continue growing with you two. My heart is filled with excitement to discover what life will bring for you now. Do you remember when we were bold enough to risk everything trying to make a better future for our family? We opened a business, the four of us. You two were there by my side, didn't complain about having to get up so early every day, or the grocery trips, the late-night baking, or the uncomfortable futon you had to sleep. No. You two were by my side. No matter what. When life was hard, your love made it soft and comfy. When things got rough, you two always had kisses to make my life sweeter.
When I decided to divorce dad, none of you punished me for that life-changing decision. No. On the contrary, you two swiped my tears away, giving me strength and hope and energy. Never I heard you telling me I was doing wrong or right. You just accepted my decision with respect and gave me enough love in return so I could bloom again.
I want you to know life is hard, but every day is so worthy! Waking up at 3 am, spending sleepless nights making sure I give you the medicine at the right time, homeschooling, everything was worthy. No matter how hard each day appears to be, the reward is there waiting.
I want you to know that not every people deserves to be trusted. I hope you remember it. I have tried to teach you this, and I mean it. The world is full of great people, with good hearts, waiting to be welcomed and loved for who they are. But there are a lot of undeserving people, expecting the right time to hurt you and take advantage of your love.
It's okay not to be so strong sometimes! My two sweet kids taught me that. Is okay to feel weak and to cry. Our feelings make us stronger, powerful, loving. Is okay to be angry or frustrated. What is not okay is to stay stuck in that feeling forever.
Love is deceiving sometimes and not always you'll see it coming. Treason comes from who we least expect, and there's nothing we can do to avoid it. What we can do is learn from it. Discover the good and bad in people. Protect your hearts from malicious people. Don't be a toy for someone undeserving.
It's okay to walk away from the manipulative narcissist people. You're not obliged to give them reasons. Just walk away. For yourself.
You're entitled to your own space. Taking care of yourself is not a luxury, but a necessity. Loving your soul and your body are the right things to do. In order to be loved, you must know what's acceptable of love. Love yourself first.
I was never your friend, and I know we'll never be. But I'm your mom and my superior goal is to be here for you till my last breath. Don't try to be your kids' friend. You're supposed to guide them. That's what parents do.
I've heard a lot of parents reclaiming their kids a lot of things. I hope you know you owe me nothing. I gave you your life, but it was a gift for me as well. Your birth made me plenty and joyous. You didn't ask me to be your mom and I willingly decided to be. God made me your mom and I am happy for the honor given. I only expect your love in return. Because your love means the world to me.
Love who you want to love. Don't let the society or family dictate who you should love. Don't feel forced to love and welcome people that cause you pain.
Do things that make you happy. You want to wear those clothes? Wear them! You want to use your boots? Do it! Afraid of what society may say? Screw society!
Not everybody will love you back. That's for sure. And many people will try to take what's yours. Don't let them. Protect what's yours and fight for what belongs to you.
Maybe I should warn you, I'll be a very complacent grandma. Maybe I'll outsmart myself with gifts and attention. I beg you, my sweet kids, just let me know if I'm stepping over your boundaries. I'll do my best to respect those limits.
No matter what happens, never forget I love you and always will.
Lots of love,