When someone hurts us, we tend to question ourselves tons of time: What have I done to cause such insult? It's a particular, the hurting phase will quickly be forgotten.
But what happens if our significant other is the one hurting us? What happens when Prince Charming turns out to be just a lying bastard Pinocchio? Damn, we are angry and heartbroken. And we have every right to be. That person in which we trusted everything we are, the one we thought incapable of causing pain and suffering, has now taken our heart and used it as toilet paper. Literally. Filled our heart with the stinkiest, worst crap of all times... His lies.
Yeah, of course, we will fall into the wrong place of forgetting and forgiving when it happens for the first time. His new lie will be even more convincing and soon the argument will end in oblivion. Our heart, constricted with the anaconda of his lies will -once again- start looking at the good in him. And that's how a mirage is created!
Probably, you even start looking at your fault in all this chaos. Because that's what we do, we try to take responsibility from the lying side. We try to make their loads lighter, but our own load starts overburdening. And it becomes our fault when he keeps repeating the same pattern over and over again. That crap is on us for always trying to find golden glitter in dog's poop.
A little bit of time elapsed, guess what? Yeap, you got it right. The lying comes back, gloriously shining in the red carpet of your seemingly stable couple's life. Now what? Ultimatums given and ignored, opportunities given and mutilated, your lying S.O. makes his way smiling and talking like nothing has happened. How does he manage to be so cynical? Who is this stranger and where is the man I thought that loved me?
Confused and angry, you know it's time to put a final halt to this liar before you end up taking pills for high blood pressure and probably anxiety. There is no coming back now. The heart cannot take another one.
You'll say it's revenge time and I agree deeply with you. Revenge must be served and on a very deep plate.
How to serve the scalding revenge without lowering to his level? You don't go out to the world and do low life stuff. There's no need to demean and denigrate yourself. Those things won't work, apart from turning the liar into a lying bully. Another worse problem. Just what you don't need, right?
Revenge can be served and can be enjoyed. First of all, love yourself. Forgive yourself for trying too hard for someone undeserving. This is the moment to start putting together your escape plan. And while all that falls into place, Follow this trick. One simple thing: you cut him off of your life routine. How? Interested? I know you will! I would be too!
If you are a wifey -the kind of woman who serves as an alarm clock, food maker, lunch packer, secretary, personal assistant, and even document corrector for your S.O., you just stop doing all those things for him. The responsibility to put the alarm for the sleepyhead every working day... Forget it! Let him oversleep and get into trouble at work. Fuck it! He put you through hell and now he deserves a piece of it.
Waking up at three a.m. to cook for him and pack a homemade breakfast and lunch... Forget it! This is the 21 Century. Let him make his own food just as he makes his own lies!
Important emails he was supposed to send and he delegated to you... Paperwork, paying bills on his name. Guess what? Forget it as well. But forget intentionally! Just by doing this, the beginning of the punishment will be epic and rewarding. Make his life hell by not lifting a finger for him!
You guys used to hang out in pj's watching movies on his free nights... I DON'T THINK SO! Make a new routine. If you have kids, take them out for a treat, and leave the liar uninvited. If you don't have kids, make last minute plans with your girlfriends, or better, invite your family over. He will definitely hate it! (Don't invite them over if they are easy to manipulate. He'll make a whole scene about you being wrong and he is the victim.)
Keep doing it until you are ready to pack your bags and leave for good. Is escape plan time!
An escape plan is a one-way road. There's no coming back. After one opportunity is given, the liar must have to choose. Correct himself or risking to lose it all -and by that, I mean losing you. If he's really sorry for his one time only big lie, he'll be very careful not to break your heart. If he keeps doing it, you can forget it. He's not taking your feelings into consideration. Only thinks of himself, his needs, his ego. You're just a commodity in his life. You're there to take his mommy's place. The cooking, the cleaning, the fix-what-I-shit. Nothing else.
If you come back, the liar will seek his own revenge, because he will think he has the right to feel insulted. And he'll make sure you regret having given more chances. He'll see your return as your failure and he'll seek payback.
Don't let a liar ruin your whole life. There's still a long way to go. Millions of experiences to live. Learn from this and defend your beliefs.
Simply, let it go!
Lots of love,