I always thought to be a shy girl. Not a fan of calling people's attention, I was always the girl behind a book. Not because I didn't consider myself attractive, but because I just felt the attention-seeking act wasn't a natural thing in me.
Probably that was the main reason. Or it was because I really saw myself as an ugly woman. Note how I say "was" and "saw". That was before. A long time ago.
Years ago, the only photos I had of myself were random selfies hiding behind the drivewheel. Probably my face was the only part of my skin seen in the picture. Rarely I participated in group pictures, and most of the time I was right behind the scenes, helping it all come true.
The thing is... I wasn't in love with myself. I was exhausted. Tired of not loving myself enough, I started my journey to a confident me. If I had felt comfortable with a weight of 220 pounds, believe me, I would have stayed there happily. If my body wasn't punishing me for it, I would have embraced it all with love and passion. But I wasn't. I was sick and hurting.
I admire women who embrace their weight because they feel confident in it. That has always been my goal. To be confident in my skin. In my journey to embrace my body, I discovered I was capable of feeling great. This DIY boudoir is just a nice reminder of how good I feel right now.
People probably see women like me in the streets and say: what a confident woman. I've heard it many times. But, honestly, I'm not that confident. In fact, I feel exposed, naked, vulnerable. I had issues with my body image. Still have. Accepting my body and working with it to a point I feel comfortable has been a rollercoaster. I'm one empowered curvy mamma and nothing will stop me from feeling that good!
This particular year I decided to commit to myself. I've done it before and I love the rewarding feeling. I love the way my energy radiates and my femininity glows. Owning my desires and the way I look and feel is nothing but pure empowerment. Sometimes, to be able to progress we need to take a few steps back, just to remind us how capable of loving ourselves we truly are. I love myself. I love my body with my many flaws. I can do this! I'm gonna do this!
Lights, camera, action!
Deciding on doing a DIY boudoir was tough, but it was the right thing. I had planned these pics for this past Spring, but then quarantine came and it just needed to wait. I don't know if things will go back to normal, but I know I don't need it to be normal to give myself a little love. To enjoy my strength. To embrace my body, my temple. I struggled thinking about hiring a photographer to do this, but I just can't. I'm too shy in front of people, but I'm so confident when I'm alone. I know photographers are very professional and trained to deal with timid people. But the more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself to do it on my own.
It's a personal challenge to put this together. As a mother of two, my kids are always a few inches away from me. So, I was acting all weird. I transported lighting equipment to my bedroom and moved things like crazy just to have a private space to do my DIY boudoir without their judging eyes on me. They have learned that mom has her private space and time where she writes, records her thoughts, creates recipes or just hides to cool down. I respect their space. They respect mine.
My closed door was transformed into a portal to a sexy dimension. There, I stopped being a mom -for a few hours- and traveled back to be the empowered curvy woman who loves herself fiercely. Just to avoid interruptions, I made sure to feed my two ever-hungry kids right before traveling to my sexy planet.
I was very excited to start this project. I wanted to do this for myself. Why? Because I love who I am. Why? To remind me how beautiful I was made. Why? Because I am one of a kind. The seductress, the lover. Everything I am in my fantasies will now turn into a wonderful reality.
As a very self-conscious woman, I have a love-hate relationship with my stretch marks. My approach to this boudoir session is one of acceptance and also to put my best areas to good use. It was so weird to be in the shower at 2 pm on a Monday. But weirdness and everything didn't stop me from achieving my goal.
After doing my makeup and blowing dry my hair, I was finally ready to do the deeds. The day before, I collected things I wanted to wear. I got one man's shirt, a sexy black Victoria's Secret matching underwear, a red velvet blanket, a few lingerie sets I bought online and just let it go!
* I was never physically naked, though it felt that way! My personality, my femininity, she was exposed everywhere! And despite always having clothes on, I felt naked. Powerful and naked. That's such a weird combination to feel together.
I think I spent two hours changing outfits and backdrops. After I managed to set the camera at an appropriate distance for the first shots, the rest was easy. Easier. Probably I ended up with 200 pictures from which I selected some and deleted others. Of course! I want those where I look my best, not those where I look like I woke up after a hungover and three throw-ups.
Now that the work is done...
That night, I watched my photos without giving much importance to details. I knew I needed to crop here & there and probably make some adjustments to brightness and things like that.
I went to sleep with a feeling of pride in myself. Doing this DIY boudoir was incredible. It made me feel sexy and beautiful. Taking these pictures was a wonderful idea to remind me I'm also a woman. Not just a mom, not just a wife, not just someone's daughter. But a woman. A powerful, gorgeous, lovely, empowered woman who deserves the most valuable love: her own.
Will I do it again? ...
Of course, I will! You can count on it! And what am I planning for that second time? A DIY outdoor boudoir! But for that... I'll wait for the kids to be back at school! For my own sanity!
And what about the final results?
I love it! The way those pictures reflect that strong woman is incredible. I felt so pretty, so sexy that I'll definitely keep them forever!
After carefully choosing my preferred pics, I made a boudoir album. There are online sites where you can order it! Or you can print them at home with a photo printer and make a beautiful scrapbook.
I hope I gave you the support you needed to do your own boudoir at home! I got my soul naked to do a DIY boudoir. By being so vulnerable, so exposed, I understood one huge thing: I don't have to be always strong to be the woman I want to be. I don't have to feel ashamed of my body, as it is my temple, my sanctuary. Stretch marks, cellulite, and everything... we all have some of that in our life package, Oh, but what wonderful things we are capable of doing with our entire baggage!
A DIY boudoir... It's a beautiful empowering experience that must be lived by us -ladies- many times!
Lots of love,