Motherhood is the only journey that lasts a lifetime. Watching the first images of a baby in a sonogram... listening to their first heartbeats is just a blessing for a mom. Helping her little baby learn to walk... Watching the first teeth grow and fall! First day at school! Graduating from College! Getting married! Those are fond memories tattooed in a mom's heart for an eternity.
But being a mom is much more than having the responsibility of another tiny human's life. Being a mom goes beyond everything that's been written or expressed. Being a mom breaks all barriers and stereotypes. Probably, a lot of women can have babies, but not all of them can be moms. As well, lots of women can't carry a baby in their wombs, but they are much more of a mom than many out there.
Just like being a dad isn't just procreating a baby, being a mom is much more than just feeling a baby growing inside.
A mom has rewards throughout her entire life. On that long road that ends the day that she dies, a mom will be loved and hurt plenty of times.
Motherhood has to restart every single day. If you're into videogames, you know that when you die (in the game)... you re-spawn.
Motherhood is kinda like a video game (without the cheat codes or modded controls or the realization that jumping from a building will kill you and three seconds later you'll be back on the game). We go to sleep, broken hearted, sad, full of anguish. And the next time we open our eyes we are full of life, our hopes restored, our love engorged. We re-spawned.
A mom cannot afford to remain sad or broken. As if it were a curse, a mother cannot hold a grudge. She can be angry. She can yell sometimes. But a kiss later and everything belongs to the past. She doesn't even remember why she wanted to spank her little angel in the first place.
Every hug, every kiss she receives will be matched with backstabbing, heartbreak, contempt, and disappointments. Despite all that, a mom will never get tired of helping her kids or wiping their tears. A mom's heart doesn't have the capacity of eternal anger against her kids, despite sometimes causing her sorrows.
Very rarely, a mom has been seen complaining about her excessive work. Almost never, a mom has been seen making a fuss because she has to sacrifice everything for her kids. Hardly, a mom is guilty of her kids' tears.
Why is that?
Maybe because moms develop the capacity to love beyond themselves at the precise moment she discovers life is forming within her. Or because moms don't have the "acceptable" margin of error that dads are "entitled" to.
Despite motherhood is a blessing and a gift for life, moms are punished if they don't achieve the pedestal of perfection that other people set. When a mom starts acting like a human being, when she stops wanting to perform like a supernatural entity, when she needs her rest or she gets sick, a mom is persecuted and disapproved by everybody, her own kids included.
If you're a mom, I know you can relate. It sucks to be judged by people who don't care in the least if you're sick; if you work; if you're depressed; if you've been mistreated or if they suck at parenting too.
Here are a few things that a "perfect mom" should never say!
You're in a safe place, now! Feel free to say to discretion! You're a human being as well!
"I am tired."
"My kids annoy me sometimes."
"I need some time for myself. Just for me!"
"I need f*cking vacations. Alone!"
"Can't or won't buy that for you."
"I'm not paying for that. Ask your dad."
"Save money and buy it for yourself."
"I made a mistake."
"I can't parent today. Let's eat junk food and ice cream all day long."
"Go clean your bathroom."
"You're grounded. No electronics for you."
Instead, everybody waits for us moms to be so perfect, so incredible, so supernatural.
Instead of being just mere mortals like everybody else, we should act according to their standard of perfection, behaving like:
The perfect mom should be always dressed to the "T"s and her kids are no exception. They should be dressed as Prince Harry. Just going to Walmart? Better dress the baby with his best silk!
"I made you cookies because you're grounded."
"I'm sorry for grounding you."
"Wanna go to the park on Wednesday afternoon?"
Mom's hair needs to be in a nice "semi-sophisticated" hair-do on daily basis. There's no such thing as the perfect bun. Buns are banned from a perfect's mom style. Beach curls are a must!
"I'm not going to work today because I'm going to clean your room!"
A perfect mom should cook an extremely great 4-course meal for her family every day. And set a royal table with a satin table cloth and silver forks and spoons.
"Don't worry. Nobody will notice you did a bad thing."
She must abide by the standards that her children determine. Not otherwise.
She should downplay her kids' bad actions. "What you did is not that bad." (cringe...)
The perfect mom should be fearful of her kids' actions and reactions.
She's the one that needs to wake up hours before her kids to prepare them cute Bento-boxes with bunny-shaped sandwiches and fresh humus for their baby carrots.
The "perfect" mom should never display emotions beyond appreciation.
To be the "perfect" mom, you should hide in the pantry to cry and walk out happy and renovated.
For nothing in the world, you should dare to ground your kids... and never scold them in front of people, and much less in front of grandma.
The perfect mom should put the kids to bed, read them a bedtime story and then go and clean the house, pick up toys, finish the kids' homework and polish the silverware.
Who needs perfection?
Forget about it! Life isn't long enough to follow other people's rules. Do you want to cry? Cry! If your kids see you crying, that's perfectly acceptable. They will learn you're a person with emotions and feelings just like them, only bigger and with neverending obligations.
Do they deserve to lose some privileges? Do what needs to be done! If people don't like to see your kid being grounded, show them the door, or even better, tell them to call the cops.
Wear your yoga pants to grocery shopping. Let your kids enjoy their food even when they end up messy and super dirty.
Say no to the "perfect mom" culture of enrolling your kids in one extra afterschool activity daily. Believe me, I've been there trying to please people and in the end, you are overloaded with work, spending tons of money on activities your children despise.
Screw people's opinions. You don't need their negativity and their insipid perfection. You need a life. You deserve to live your motherhood your way. Feel free to do everything necessary for it.
A happy mom is the foundation of a happy family.
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Lots of love,