What is really a bad dad? A bad parent is represented in so many ways but sometimes society only recognizes as a bad parent the one that beats their kids. There is the misconception that a bad dad is someone whose one and only mistake is that he doesn't pay child support.
I'm sorry, but in my humble opinion and experience, society can go suck a green lime and then lick some sea salt. Without the freakin' tequila! Tequila is for mom's nights only! Moms who have to deal with irresponsible men have earned the freaking tequila! And some extra cocktails, as well!
A dad that sucks doesn't recognize himself as a failure. All the opposite. He thinks he's doing a hell of a job as a parent. He is this person who's always making excuses because he and his needs are most important than those of his own kids. In front of strangers, he will take his phone and finally decide to call his kids. He will speak out loud so women nearby think he's that rare unicorn every single one of our hormones dreamed about since childhood.
Commonly known as "deadbeat" dads, these men have little to no considerations for their kids. Their unspoken motto is "don't ask... don't know." That way, they can blame the mom for everything they choose not to know or care about his kids.
This uninvolved creature talks to his kids as if he was another friend from school. He could chat games... all of the video games but will never get involved in their kids' existential crisis or any of their needs.
My blood boils like an active volcano thinking about his reaction to when his very own kids tell him they are sick. This "almighty" being will wash his hands by telling them to consume more Vitamin C and stop shoving their fingers inside their mouths and that will -as magic- solve all their problems. On other occasions, he will just say "I'm so sorry for you". Bam! Instant relief of sickness!
"I will pray for you". That's one of the quick but favorite phrases in his emotionally manipulative vocabulary. His conduct with his own kids and people who surrounds them is so passive-aggressive, you start questioning yourself if you are the problem here, but your anger doesn't allow you to recognize it.
This "dad" doesn't know most of the details of his kids' lives. He doesn't know where's their pediatrician's office or even if they like him. He doesn't know what school they attend to or which is their favorite class. He doesn't know what his own kids are allergic to. And if you tell him to avoid certain foods because they are indeed allergic, he's the one who feeds them precisely that just to "make them immune".
He's the one to wash his hands when summer is coming because he has a lot of responsibilities with the world that exists outside his kids. This kind of super dad is the one that makes arrangements and sacrifices to spend time with other people but his children. He's the one that doesn't own anything because that's his excuse for not having a safe place to take the kids.
He's the one who plans trips to "visit" them because he thinks he'll be treated like a superstar and taken places to enjoy and explore. He's the one who wants special treatment as if someone missed was finally coming home. This guy is the one who spends lots of money on beer but denies his kids a toy. He's the one to waste thousands of dollars to travel to meet an unknown woman, but always has excuses and a can't for his kids.
One of the most outstanding features of this specimen is that he doesn't know what they like or dislike but he's so self-centered that he truly believes that they will eat, like or wear everything he says. Thi type always put himself first. He's a wonderful excuse-maker. He's this person who has plenty of free time but he's always too busy to be with his kids.
This dude, because calling him a man will be an exaggeration, is the one that ignores when his own kids tell him about their progress report. He's the one who pretends he didn't hear their wonderful grades because he knows they always expect something. If they keep repeating it because in their loving hearts they cannot conceive his disinterest, he will send a $20 money order and he made it to the top of the list of the father of the year.
This guy is the one who forces tears in his kids' eyes at night and thousand questions why. He's so egocentric that talks to his kids in a hurtful way and doesn't care about giving an apology. With a sweet and forced voice, he will tell them he's right and they are wrong, and they should pray for forgiveness. As they don't act how he deems, they are going far away from God.
As the perfect faker, he will pretend to be suffering when his kids ignore him during his calls. He will try to put the blame on them because they don't listen to what he has to say. Truth is, they already know his script so well they can recite it out loud.
A "deadbeat" dad is the one who divorced from the responsibility of his kids once he divorced his ex-wife. Guys like this enjoy making it hard for the mom, who is trying to fill the void in her kids' lives and making his disinterest less painful. He's always blaming his lack of attention on the wife that got away.
This dad is the one who talks about all the things he "does" for his kids, but his kids never get, receive or enjoy said things. He is the one who fixes it all with five easy words: "Tell mom to do it!"
His responsibility with his kids starts when he picks the phone to call them when someone is around and listening. Rarely he calls them when alone. Strangely, his responsibility with them ends immediately he hung the phone.
The "unconditional" love he professes for his kids is conditioned to his singleness or sadness. His time for his own kids depends on the girlfriend he has at the moment. If she's a woman with kids, he'll be the perfect parent for the step-kid but a ghost to his own. If she doesn't want his kids, he immediately stops loving them. He'll disappear from their lives until his new relationship starts being a shitty one, then he'll remember he has someone where to go and cry.
If his life isn't suitable, -which never is- he just pauses them and problem solved. They will stop eating, needing, existing, growing, till he decides to re-start their relationship and act like a "parent" again. Till the moment the new woman in his life kicks him to the curve.
A dad that sucks is this person who is never in agreement with the mom's decisions but will never contribute to pay for it. He's the guy who doesn't provide emotional or financial support to their children. This man never has money for his kids' needs but always has for strangers, new girl-friends, her kids, his hobbies, but he's always broke for his own kids.
This neglectful man gifts his kids with little or no supervision. He is the one who allows their kids in a swimming pool till midnight because he's too cozy drinking. He's also the one that will make a disappearance act when the exact next day the kids end up sick due to his lack of responsibility. He's the one that will evade the doctor's visit or paying for the medicine they need for his negligence. He's such a prick that he thinks he has the right to skip the night's medicine dose because there's no real reason to wake up in the middle of the night to give his sick kids the freaking medicine.
This mother-f*cker has no shame. He has the right to live a life while his kids cannot benefit from it. He is so brash that he dares to tell his kids all the things that he bought for himself... new brand shoes... new hoodies... plenty of ice creams... He is so ignorant that tells his kids about his trips and vacations but God forbids them to ask him for something. Either he'll ask the mom to pay for half of it (without any consideration that the mom pays for each and every single thing they need, use and consume), or make them beg for it, just to plainly say they are capricious kids.
Those absent fathers have the firm belief that a phone call fixes their kids' lives; a text about a game will give their innocent children so much happiness.
When he finally decides to take them on a weekend, he will care very little about their eating habits, their medicine schedules, or their bedtime. He's the guy who let them eat canned soup for breakfast without even heating eat. He's the guy who turns his back when his kids go to bed hungry and wake up to eat cereal with ice cream at midnight.
He's the one who takes his kids and his new girlfriend's kids to the ice cream shop and makes his own kids pay for their ice creams. He's the one who helps his stepkid pay for a new iPhone but tells his own kid to get an Obama phone.
He's the hateful character that sends one of his kids used clothes as Christmas presents, while the others receive brand new things. This awesome super dad -as he thinks he is- doesn't even know their kids' clothing size. He knows nothing about their styles and likings. He's oblivious to their mood swings or if they are classic or trendy. If they are girly girls or more of a rebel.
He's the one who hears them planning their future and starts planning his own life with his kids' future resources. He's the one who plans to move close to his kids once they are adults. And close means to their sofa.
This uninvolved dad is the one that will always say "I'm here for you", "call me if you need me" but when that happens his automatic answer appears: "I'm so sorry. I cannot help you at this time". He's the one that every little thing their kids want to learn or want to do, he'll have the perfect solution: "Tell your mom to teach it to you" or "Tell your mom to do it for you".
Even after a divorce, this guy is like another responsibility for the ex-wife. He becomes a mental, emotional and sometimes physical load to the poor mother of his kids. His infantile behavior leaves little to the discussion as he will always act as another kid. There's no reason big enough that will make him dad-up. He's just the way he is and always will.
This is the man who acts like he's really special, a "chosen one" but failed at the only mission he was chosen to: be a dad. In his quest to be cooler than the mom, he will forget his real job: to parent.
He thinks he's a victim because the ex couldn't or wouldn't keep up with him. He made the quest to make her life miserable but to accomplish his quest, he makes his own kids' life a mess.
The problem here?
Kids don't see his ill-intentions. Kids fall for his trick of coolness and in the way, they push poor mom under a bus. Not because they are bad kids, but because they fell for the dad's trick. They are under the spell of adventure and suffocated by all the things mom deems inappropriate for their age. They are spellbound with his mischief and irresponsibility and lack of empathy for the rest of the world.
His kids doesn't see any bad in him as they love to think he has good intentions and a good heart just because he verbalize things. Kids don't need proof of all he says because mom makes sure they have no need. Kids don't force their dads to compromise with them because they have a mom who is compromised twice.
Why is he so special? Definitely not because of his wonderful parenting skills. A dad like this uses his charm to fool his own kids, to make them feel in the presence of an equal. And of course, he is an equal. He is another little kid, a fussy little baby whose only plan of life is been a soul-leech.
He's the one who doesn't teach consequences because there's no reason for it when they only spend 5 minutes together.
He's the one who gives them free space and time and respects no curfew. He's that false parent who doesn't watch who his kids befriend. And kids love the freedom and lack of supervision he represents.
Like a demon, he feeds from their kids' ignorance. He exalts himself with the false admiration that his lies create.
And what moms do? Moms live by the shadow of an uninvolved creepier version of Jim Carrey. A mom resigns, waiting for the next time she has to console her kids, to wipe their tears from their eyes. She just watches her innocent kids being fooled over and over again by the only other person in the world who is supposed to protect them.
What are your thoughts about dads that suck? What's the trait of that "ghost" dad?
You're not alone, woman! Be strong! For this passive manipulator, judgment day will come. Sooner or later.
The judges? His own kids.
Lots of love,