Did you get married? Great! Now, keep dating your husband as the single girl you were before! He'll thank you for it!
"Another date?" -My 9 years old daughter asked me a few nights ago. -"How many dates have you two had?"
Her question confused me for a moment (I'll explain it in a few moments.)
"Not enough!" -I answered her after seconds of deep thoughts. -"When you grow up and want to get married, you need to aspire to find a man who wants to continue dating you and you alone no matter how many years you have been together!"
Satisfied with the answer, but still thinking about what it may mean, my daughter returned to her previous activity as if nothing had happened. And I stood still in the middle of the kitchen wondering why our married dates were so weird to my daughter.
I always tell her she needs to learn to read people. When she grows up into a beautiful adult woman, she will meet guys. But to find the right guy... it requires skills and the capacity to observe and analyze him in all his senses. First with the brains and the instinct, and last with the heart. When both brain and heart are in total agreement and her instinct is not making her doubt her choice... she'll have found the right guy. But for that, she'll need to date him a lot, under pressure, around family, in a very public and exposed place, in her circle, in his circle, to get to know the real him. See, lots of dates!
That's the petty thing about relationships. Dates! The endless courtship. The exquisite romance. The sensation of being full and complemented at last. The desire to be sitting across him at a table, just looking at his lips while he talks. Admiring how handsome he looks when he laughs genuinely. The fluttering of butterflies on our insides!
So you met your right guy! You went on a lot of dates! You had so much fun together! And then... Congratulations! You got married to your soulmate, your one and only, the love of your life! Then... what? You got married and that is the culmination of the dating journey! Dating life is over! No more princes will turn into frogs right before your eyes. Not another lamb will reveal his true wolf nature after you're madly in love. Never again you will live the misadventure of falling for Prince Charming whose dream relationship was one that included him and you, and Brianna, Shanna, Lolly, Melly, Cassey, Mercedes, and who knows how many more.
Dating is over! You are finally married. Let's just stay on the couch watching Netflix & chilling (without the actual Netflix & Chill pun)!
But... How long will it take until the boredom starts? How long until the routine makes you both sick? How long until there's nothing else to say? See, our nature is being attracted by novelty. We all need to have sensations from time to time. We are not plants or objects that are meant to be inert, only moved by strong wings.
That's why dating your husband after marriage is extremely important.
You got married. It doesn't mean you have to feel so comfortable to think dates aren't necessary. That ring doesn't mean the effort to make him fall in love with you every day is not required anymore. Dating as two single individuals will be over, but dating as a couple isn't. It's all the opposite. Now dates are more important than ever!
Reasons why you should keep dating your husband like when you were his girlfriend:
Dating strengthens your relationship.
Sharing -the two of you alone- can instantly refresh the conspiracy you both had at the beginning of the relationship. Dating your husband after marriage brings you closer.
It releases oxytocin.
Known as the "love drug", this hormone causes empathy, trust, desire for sexual activity and fortifies relationships. Studies reflect that couples who actively date have significantly higher levels of oxytocin than couples that don't date. Released by something simple as a hug, oxytocin creates an attachment between the spouses, which is great!
Dopamine is all over the place.
This hormone, also known as the "happy drug" triggers the rewarding response in our bodies. By design, dopamine makes us feel happier and open to feel satisfied and pleasured.
Endorphins are doing their job!
Being lovestruck generates a sense of security and well-being that guides us to a long-lasting and strong relationship. Producing the same effects as opioids, endorphins contribute to bounding.
You're feeding his heart.
Both men and women need to feel loved and cared for. People who feel unloved or neglected are more prone to stray from the relationship.
I licked it, so it's mine!
Satisfying your husband's love needs and expectations, keep bitches at a proper distance. Women will always circle your man like hungry sharks around a wounded animal. Don't let him be the wounded victim. A happy man is a faithful man. (If he fails, make him chum for the fishes.) One wise woman once told me: keep your man's stomach full and his balls empty and he'll always be yours!
Dating your husband reminds him of how important he is to you.
Husbands want to be pursued and conquered, just like us. He wants you to show what you're willing to do to have him in your life. Men need to feel loved and desired as well. Haven't you seen movies? Men are sweet-talked every day, everywhere, because it makes them feel important and desired. (See How To Be Your Husband's Mistress.)
Dating proves he's worthy of you.
He wants you to prove to him his effort is been seen. Probably he works too hard and has little time left for fun. He could choose to go out with his buddies, but instead, he comes home to you. Show him you see him, you feel him, you love him, you want him. Words are not enough.
Dating instantly makes you two feel sexier.
Remember the effort you used to make to date him before living together? You would dress sexy and pretty. Use that perfume that turned him on. By being a sexy wife, you're telling your man how much you want him, and how bad you want him to want you. And it will lead to a kinky culmination that night!
Dating sex is great.
Don't try to say you never made a sex date with your hubby because that's definitely not true. Those first times when you were discovering one another are great memories. Probably he still remembers that one time when he was so good he made your legs tremble madly. Why not revive those memories?
Makes your husband feel how much you desire him.
Isn't it one of the reasons for being in a relationship? To feel desired by the person we love and be able to enjoy it. When we feel desired, our state of mind is more positive.
Dating improves your mood.
Going out with your husband is a quick remedy to bad temper and frustration. When you go on a date, you're expecting to have a good time and will work for it! We all have terrible days. To make it a better one, cook some dinner together, or sit on the porch with a hot cup of coffee!
Going on regular dates makes you age in a better way!
Of course, you'll age. But when you are happy you age in a better, cutter way! Cheers to getting older and still continue being sexy!
Dating your husband can make you feel instantly happier.
The feeling of satisfaction and joy you have when enjoying an honest and loving relationship cannot compare with anything. Multiplicate that sensation by dating him at least once a week!
Your bond grows with every date.
Your husband must be -by now- your best friend. You share everything. No secret can remain hidden. Date by date, you have shared the embarrassing situations endured when you were little or when you dated frogs waiting for him to appear in your life. Revealing those little details, makes your bond grow stronger.
Dating breaks the routine and monotony.
Natural enemies of men, routine and monotony are what they fear the most when thinking of relationships. As a single person, men are used to doing a lot of different things and especially with little planning. Their adventurous spirit is fully awake and always hungry. Getting married shouldn't mean the death of that spirit, but the acquisition of a companion for new exciting adventures.
Rekindle the sexy flame.
Relationships, like everything else in life, have their ups and downs. Dating can keep us connected as a couple. Marriage doesn't mean you need to stop being that sexy mysterious creature that enthralled him. On the contrary, a new world of possibilities has been opened before your eyes. And there's just one person in the whole world to whom you have to be accountable: your husband.
Reinforces your commitment.
Dating your husband makes the commitment of love and respect between you two impossible to break. Prioritizing that magical time with your husband will prove to him he's your priority. Believe me, he'll reciprocate!
You can date in pj's.
Sure! You can have dates at home where you're safe and comfortable! Dating your husband doesn't have to come with a liability assessment or a red carpet event. The only requirements are the presence of the two of you and the desire to share and have a nice time together! Doesn't matter if is tucked under the blankets watching a comedy movie, eating takeout, or just sharing a beer, as long as it's together.
You can date naked!
Obviously! I can't think of a better date than naked! It's definitely not something you could have done when he visited you at your parents' house. But now ... there are no limits! Dating your husband naked is super fun and kinky as hell!
You can date after sending the kids to bed.
Kids have to learn boundaries since they are very little. They also have to learn the real rules of love, dating and marriage. The best way to teach them all those things is by example. Teach them your husband is very important to you by making the time for the two of you alone. Tell them in advance they'll be going to bed early because you two are having a stay-at-home date night.
Now, let's plan that next date! Have a sexy and fun marriage!
Lots of love,